Cycle 12

My husband and I have been homeless now for a whole month, we also had a whole cycle go by with a big fat nothing too. DH and I were talking this weekend during one or our many 4+ hour drives over the weekend and the "baby" topic came up. At the end of may marks our one year anniversary of TTC. It is also and anniversary of a a very difficult year. I never truly realized that it was that bad when is was happening. There was always something that covered up the disappointment, the sadness, and the difficult times.
As I look forward to what there is to come, I can't see a pregnancy out there for us until at least September. DH and I are not living together yet because our feline friends are not adjusting well to living with my in-laws felines; which in turn leaves me living with them. (Don't get me wrong I love living with them, and am blessed to have such a wonderful mother and father-in-law, BUT I really want to be living with my husband.) I may be able to move up to where DH is staying hopefully by the end of the month and then at the end of June if I have not found a new job, I will be going back to work at a Summer Camp to volunteer my time again. Then there goes another two months because the summer camp is 6.5 hours away for DH and I am only allotted 24 hours of consecutive off time and the drive is so not worth it when I have to be back by 10 am.
I was able to see my sister and nephew last week, it was so hard to be around her. She's 21 weeks and all I want to do is cry when I see her belly. That hurt feeling isn't so bad when I look at my nephew, I love him to much to feel that way.

Cycle 11

I never thought it would take this long when my husband and I started TTC. I expected that maybe it would take up to six months, but not a year... or more. I at the point where I'm not expecting anything, I'm just going with it. We aren't living together right now because we don't have a new place yet, and when we do manage to get together its like Christmas or Thanksgiving around because we are forever around various family members because we are each living with some. I really wish life wasn't so stressful and that it could be easy like it was for my sister and brother-in-law. They are due in August with their second (their first is just a year), and it was a first times a charm with them.

Life just seems to be kicking us in the but every month.

Such a cruel joke Cycle 10

I'm not sure as to what to say about this past cycle or the fact that I no longer feel like I am having regular periods. This past cycle was 39 days and I was sure I was pregnant, I had all of these symptoms and feelings that coincided with where I was at time wise. The only thing missing was the BFP, instead I got my period.
I guess I get to look forward to going to talk to my Doctor in a little more then a month about finding out if there is something wrong with me or if DH has something going on.  This is now possible because my DH got a new JOB! Its going to interfere with the baby making because the job is four hours away and living with his Grandma. I am staying in our house until we can figure out what we are going to to do. We can't move until we have either sold or rented the place and cant rent or buy until we have some one lined up for ours. Which leaves us separated for a while because someone has to stay at our house with the dog and cats.  Also with this new job comes an excellent benefits package that should help put things into motion.

No sex for Valentines day? WHAT!

So DH has determined that for the next couple of months we are just not going to have sex. Why you might add? It all comes down to one of his cousins who was born opening day of deer season. His uncle jokenly tells us "don't have baby making sex on Valentines day! It ends up with a phone call opener day about your wife is in labor!" SO he thinks that for the rest of the month and the next couple we aren't having sex. I have to burst his bubble but I think he's crazy. No matter when we get pregnant and are due, there is no matter what going to be a baby some day when its any season opener. He hunts or fishes in just about every season. I don't think there is anything that he hasn't gone out and done. He's going to complain one way or another until it actually happens.

The pains of being a hunters wife...

Cycle 9

Cycle nine came exactly when expected and was expected. The past month has been full of frustration and longing. DH and I's one and only bathroom "decided" it needed a re-model. The sink stopped draining and the plumber couldn't figure it out and gave us a couple options. A new kitchen ceiling (no kitchen for who knew how long) or bath re-model because the floor had to come up! Well after two weeks with an interesting floor, we now have a new sub floor and a working sink and were only with out the bathroom for a day. The new floor should get instaled with in the next week or two, just waiting on some help. We bought a tongue and groove solid bamboo floor, we have everything else picked out thats going in but we have to wait until some funds find their way to us.
Our nephew turned one this month and we were able to spend some quality time with the little guy. We also got to see a child hood friends four week old little girl. She is the tiniest thing I have ever held. I felt such longing while holding her. It was the first time I have experienced that feeling while being front and center around my friends and family. I had a hard time concealing  all of the emotion that was welling up. I could tell DH was experiencing the same feelings as he held the new born as well.
 For cycle 10 I've decided to start temping in conjunction with checking CM. I think its time to start focusing more on what my body is telling me verses just going with it kinda like we have been. I keep having this feeling like its going to take a long time for us to get what we want and it only gets worse as the calender counts down the days until DH's job comes to an end (it's grant based).  There seems to always be something that is putting us down lately.

Chemical Pregnacy, Miscarriage?

I'm not sure really whats going on, AF arrived this morning. I had some light cramping last night as I went to bed but nothing I was worried about, I just assumed it was stomach cramps vs. AF cramps. Today though, its defiantly from AF.
Could I have been pregnant? Yes and no. I had yet to get a BFP, I was going to test tomorrow as it would be a full five weeks since my last period. I'm thinking though that I am have a miscarriage of a chemical pregnancy. Only so because I normally never have cramping and AF didn't start out like normal with a small bit of spotting followed by a 12 hour wait. I've had constant cramping since waking accompanied by heavy bleeding (for me).

Cycle 9 will be better

Cycle 9, are you out there?

As it stands right now I'm not sure if cycle 9 is coming. I am going on six days late with two BFN's and no signs of anything except maybe some soar bb's. I'm not really sure how I am feeling at this time.  There's a WHOLE lot of confusion going on, but no real excitement or disappointment either. Obviously I'd be fine if I do get a BFP, but then again I'd be fine too if AF arrives as well. The confusion is spurning from the fact that I have never been late since AF regulated itself out after going off BCP. Over the weekend when I first noticed I was late, I thought it was the stress of the Holidays; then it turned into its the stress I am having from the flu. My family decided they wanted to give me a "very" special gift this Christmas, to spend Christmas night praying to the porcelain goddess. After hearing that you may think MS? No, you forget the two BFN's that I received latter on in the week that I mentioned earlier.  I guess we will give it another week or so, take another test. If there is a BFN then I guess its time to call my doctor..

Sometimes I feel like I may be a bit of a hypochondriac when it comes to "having" pregnancy symptoms.