to feel better

Today I decided that I wanted to start making my life better. For me, for my husband and for my future children. DH has been going to his offices fitness center three times a week for the past month or so and I have just started to notice some changes in him. Changes that I want for my self, that I need for myself. Since being laid off, I have resorted to being the house wife again and I want to do more with my time off then just job search and sit on the couch. Today I did a 20 minute Zumba like workout and it felt good to feel that burn. That was the first time in about a year that I have done any type of workout.

2 week wait

Another two week wait is under way and DH wants nothing to do with it. He was telling me last night while lying in each others arms "I don't want to wait, take the test now". Some times I feel as if I already have a child in him. He will be a wonderful dad some day, I just hope its sooner rather then latter.  I am 2DPO and can hardly contain my angst in wanting these two weeks to over with so we will know. The past few days have just been hell. I haven't been sleeping well and have had horrible acid reflex. I'm taking them as a sign that these next two weeks are going to be just fun.

cycle 21

Today has been possibly the worst day I've had in a long time. It starts out with my boss telling me that he's going to be laying me off come Monday for a few months. Which I am pretty sure is more of a permanent one then temporary.  I did really good and didn't cry when he told me, and was able to go until the end of the day with out tears. I even went without them when my period came. But when my husband called and told me that he is also temporarily laid off until his company can get their budget worked out I lost it. I couldn't keep it together anymore. I was bawling on my drive home from work. I still can't wrap my head around today. Funny thing, we just spent $650 to put a floor in our house (we currently have unfinished cement), and the money was cash that we received for Christmas gifts and some that we had saved for.  We are also currently having to save to replace our roof because we had a tree fall on it the other week. Everything that has been happening is masking the deep hurt and sadness that is radiating through my body over this cycle.