cycle 22 i guess

I guess we are playing what I felt as spotting as what was AF. We are starting cycle 22 round 5 of Clomid. Yesterday was so disappointing. I took a test with a BFN and then realized that it was about to expire and was an off brand, so DH and I braved the snowy weather and went to town to purchase another box of tests. This box had a month more before expiration but was a name brand, still a BFN. So I went with the direction of my Doc and started my next and last round of Clomid. If that was AF that came last week we shall see by the end of the month as the next round of AF should arrive two days before my next Doctors apt. No clue as to what happens next but I don't think I can handle seeing DH's face at the end of the month if we have another failed cycle, he was just so sad and disappointed yesterday...

is this it??

Not sure if the time has come that we have both been waiting for. AF was due on Monday and Monday came and went as did Tuesday. Wednesday I woke to some almost light bleeding and light cramping but by Wednesday evening all was gone. Thursday morning came with with nothing in sight so I decided to take a HPT which resulted with a BFN. By early afternoon there was some very, very light bleeding and slight cramps and they were gone by early evening. My cycles have NEVER been like this, none of this start and stopping or being so light. Could this all be implantation bleeding? I had always read it happens earlier then latter. No clue here.
Thursday I just so happened to be in the same building as my Doc so I decided to give a ring and see what he wanted me to do.  I wasn't sure at this point whether to refill my next round of Clomid or to just wait it out and re test in a week or so. He said to test again in three days and to give him a call if I got a BFP or to resume with the Clomid then if there was a BFN. So Far today I haven't had any hint of bleeding or spotting but its still earlyish.
I have had some early pregnancy symptoms but none that are the most common. I have been overly tired the last week or so and have had non stop heart burn for what feels like forever and I'm hungry, like all the time.

to feel better

Today I decided that I wanted to start making my life better. For me, for my husband and for my future children. DH has been going to his offices fitness center three times a week for the past month or so and I have just started to notice some changes in him. Changes that I want for my self, that I need for myself. Since being laid off, I have resorted to being the house wife again and I want to do more with my time off then just job search and sit on the couch. Today I did a 20 minute Zumba like workout and it felt good to feel that burn. That was the first time in about a year that I have done any type of workout.

2 week wait

Another two week wait is under way and DH wants nothing to do with it. He was telling me last night while lying in each others arms "I don't want to wait, take the test now". Some times I feel as if I already have a child in him. He will be a wonderful dad some day, I just hope its sooner rather then latter.  I am 2DPO and can hardly contain my angst in wanting these two weeks to over with so we will know. The past few days have just been hell. I haven't been sleeping well and have had horrible acid reflex. I'm taking them as a sign that these next two weeks are going to be just fun.

cycle 21

Today has been possibly the worst day I've had in a long time. It starts out with my boss telling me that he's going to be laying me off come Monday for a few months. Which I am pretty sure is more of a permanent one then temporary.  I did really good and didn't cry when he told me, and was able to go until the end of the day with out tears. I even went without them when my period came. But when my husband called and told me that he is also temporarily laid off until his company can get their budget worked out I lost it. I couldn't keep it together anymore. I was bawling on my drive home from work. I still can't wrap my head around today. Funny thing, we just spent $650 to put a floor in our house (we currently have unfinished cement), and the money was cash that we received for Christmas gifts and some that we had saved for.  We are also currently having to save to replace our roof because we had a tree fall on it the other week. Everything that has been happening is masking the deep hurt and sadness that is radiating through my body over this cycle.

Cycle 20

I was a bit surprised when my period arrived today. I have had severe breast tenderness and sensitivity for about the past three weeks ever since I ovulated. I just had this feeling that I was going to get a BFP. But alas it was a BFN this morning when I took a test thinking that I was. I was going to have the best Christmas, well anything is better then last Christmas. I had the flu on Christmas and then was two weeks late and very grumpy. I guess I just have to wait for another new year to come around and maybe this will be our year..

I finally had my follow up doctors appointment this week. Not to much went on, we talked briefly about how the last two cycles went. How this is a new "job" the DH and I and we need to make this our top priority during as DH calls it "my egg drop".  You see my doctor basically told me that we wasted this cycle because I was down state with family bridesmaid dress shopping and DH was home hunting during the "egg drop".  Getting pregnant is our top priority but if we are not each other for a few days and that happens to be at the "egg drop" then so be it.
My doctor is having us do three more rounds of Clomid. He has tasked me with documenting everything on paper verse my phone.. When I bleed, take the clomid, have sex, what cervical mucus i have each day, and what I am feeling throughout each cycle.