Cycle 16

So it seems we are back to this point again. Back where we were last month and the so on.  DH and I had our Doc. apts and they went as well as any new doctor apts could go. The only good thing that came from it was a referral to a OB for possible infertility. I have an apt mid September. Maybe questions will get answered.

a little depressed

DH and I are an aunt and uncle again today. Should be over joyed about the new arrival, but for some reason I'm just not feeling it. When we talked this morning after we each got a text with a photo, I could tell he felt the same way. I just don't know what to do with these feelings right now or what I am going to do tomorrow when I am supposed to being going to visit for my Dads birthday party. I should and want to feel happy for them, I just feel bitter and sad.

Cycle 15

Its that time again.. AF arrived yesterday evening as per her now seems normal arrival with full on cramps, bloating and soar BB. She also arrived without any disappointment.  I knew she would arrive because you well have to have sex to get a BFP.. and well I was unable to get any until this past weekend when I saw DH for the first time in three weeks! It was a real nice and romantic 24 hours in a hotel where we really didn't emerge from our room except to have dinner and drinks with a friend. From where I am sitting right now I do believe this will be the case for my next cycle as well. I am still stuck in the middle of nowhere for another three more weeks. Don't get me wrong I love it up here, the only thing that would make me not ever want to leave is if DH was here with me. I guess the only thing I am looking forward to besides sex is the doctors appointment I have in late august. Maybe then we can start getting things figured out with DH and I.. until next month.

m.

Cycle 14

Its killing me today.. I have not felt this awful from cramps in months if not ever. Why am I forced  to go through this month after month. Can't we just get along and conceive a child already? I mean its one thing to make my breast sore for the whole week before I get my period, but to have mind numbing craps to go with it? Come on!
Other news, I leave for six weeks today.. Looks like I get to feel this way again in another four or so weeks.

Cycle 13

One full year has come and gone as we have been TTC. This last cycle was as confusing as every other one, but what else should I expect..  We are still technically homeless. But come July/August we have a new home with tons of new projects. I am at least now staying where my husband is at and we are no longer "separated" by distance. I have been up with him for the past three weeks and it has been bliss.

Cycle 12

My husband and I have been homeless now for a whole month, we also had a whole cycle go by with a big fat nothing too. DH and I were talking this weekend during one or our many 4+ hour drives over the weekend and the "baby" topic came up. At the end of may marks our one year anniversary of TTC. It is also and anniversary of a a very difficult year. I never truly realized that it was that bad when is was happening. There was always something that covered up the disappointment, the sadness, and the difficult times.
As I look forward to what there is to come, I can't see a pregnancy out there for us until at least September. DH and I are not living together yet because our feline friends are not adjusting well to living with my in-laws felines; which in turn leaves me living with them. (Don't get me wrong I love living with them, and am blessed to have such a wonderful mother and father-in-law, BUT I really want to be living with my husband.) I may be able to move up to where DH is staying hopefully by the end of the month and then at the end of June if I have not found a new job, I will be going back to work at a Summer Camp to volunteer my time again. Then there goes another two months because the summer camp is 6.5 hours away for DH and I am only allotted 24 hours of consecutive off time and the drive is so not worth it when I have to be back by 10 am.
I was able to see my sister and nephew last week, it was so hard to be around her. She's 21 weeks and all I want to do is cry when I see her belly. That hurt feeling isn't so bad when I look at my nephew, I love him to much to feel that way.

Cycle 11

I never thought it would take this long when my husband and I started TTC. I expected that maybe it would take up to six months, but not a year... or more. I at the point where I'm not expecting anything, I'm just going with it. We aren't living together right now because we don't have a new place yet, and when we do manage to get together its like Christmas or Thanksgiving around because we are forever around various family members because we are each living with some. I really wish life wasn't so stressful and that it could be easy like it was for my sister and brother-in-law. They are due in August with their second (their first is just a year), and it was a first times a charm with them.

Life just seems to be kicking us in the but every month.