Cycle 9, are you out there?

As it stands right now I'm not sure if cycle 9 is coming. I am going on six days late with two BFN's and no signs of anything except maybe some soar bb's. I'm not really sure how I am feeling at this time.  There's a WHOLE lot of confusion going on, but no real excitement or disappointment either. Obviously I'd be fine if I do get a BFP, but then again I'd be fine too if AF arrives as well. The confusion is spurning from the fact that I have never been late since AF regulated itself out after going off BCP. Over the weekend when I first noticed I was late, I thought it was the stress of the Holidays; then it turned into its the stress I am having from the flu. My family decided they wanted to give me a "very" special gift this Christmas, to spend Christmas night praying to the porcelain goddess. After hearing that you may think MS? No, you forget the two BFN's that I received latter on in the week that I mentioned earlier.  I guess we will give it another week or so, take another test. If there is a BFN then I guess its time to call my doctor..

Sometimes I feel like I may be a bit of a hypochondriac when it comes to "having" pregnancy symptoms.

Cycle 8

It seems as though we have been trying for eight months but in reality its been six and a half. I guess that's how its goes when your cycles are shorter then average. The last two were hard when AF arrived. I let myself cry for a little bit. There had been so many signs that I could have been pregnant, but in the end it was not meant to be.

You always hear, "it'll happen when you stop thinking about it!". But how? How do you stop thinking about it? Its not easy to stop thinking about getting pregnant or children when over half of my friends and family are pregnant or have young kids. I feel as if I don't have anyone to talk to, but its kinda my own fault. We have decide to not tell our friends and family that we are TTC. Mostly because I don't want the "so when are you two going to have kids?!" turn into "you aren't trying heard enough!" or "why not just settle on being an Aunt?". I can stand the "when are you two going to have kids?!", but I don't think I could stand unsolicited advise without crying.  He really asked me this the day after AF arrived.
Hubby- "Babe, why don't we have kids yet so we can go see that?" (on commercial for "We bought a Zoo!")
Me- looks at hubby while eyes well up with tears, "I don't know! Why don't we!?"

After much thought and inner debate, I  have come to the conclusion that its not worth it to TTC this month. AF is destined to arrive on the 25th, which will in turn no matter what put me in a Grinchie mood and I don't want to add tears on top of that that I will have to sneak in in the bathroom or when I get a second to myself.

So hears to cycle 9 and the New Year!